Whit Did Ye Say? · The Books

Five Books. Aw the Patter.

The app teaches ye the slang. The books take ye the whole way. Insults wi' instructions, the words tae survive Scotland, myths tae keep ye up at night, a Christmas survival guide, an' every daft thing yer maw ever said. Aw put thegither an' published by me, an' aw live on Amazon in paperback an' Kindle.

The Wee Book o' Scottish Insults

Belters, bams an' bawbags, wi' the meanins spelt oot

123 proper Scottish insults, each wan explained: how tae say it, whit it actually means, an' when tae let it fly. Graded fae mild tae pure gallus, so ye can work yer way up withoot startin' a war at the family dinner. It is a dictionary. It is also a loaded weapon.

148 pages, paperback & Kindle

A wee peek inside

“Sit doon. Yer da sells Avon.” There is nae comeback. There has never been a comeback.

“Ye're the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles, you.”

Paperback £7.99Kindle £2.99 · free on Kindle Unlimited★★★★★ on Amazon

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The Scottish Slang Survival Guide

The words tae get ye through Scotland alive

131 words tae stop ye lookin' like a lost tourist. Fae 'braw' tae 'bahookie', every wan explained wi' how tae say it an' when tae use it. Read it afore ye come up, or read it efter ye've already caused offence. Yer call.

170 pages, paperback & Kindle

A wee peek inside

Every family has a designated crabbit wan. If ye cannae think who it is in yours, it's you.

‘Whit's wrang, ye feart?’ has launched a thoosand daft decisions, cliff jumps an chilli challenges.

Paperback £7.99Kindle £2.99 · free on Kindle Unlimited★★★★★ on Amazon

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Scottish Myths & Legends

Kelpies, bogles an' the things that wait in the Scottish dark

36 tales fae the darker corners o' Scotland, in full colour. Kelpies that drag ye under, bogles at the fit o' the gairden, an' the each-uisge ye'll wish ye'd never read aboot. Lovely bedtime readin', if ye fancy never sleepin' again.

102 pages, full colour, paperback, Kindle & hardcover

A wee peek inside

Every old country has its ghosts. Scotland just has the buildings for it.

Three bays. That's aw the warnin ye get. An it's already bayed twice.

Paperback £17.99 · Hardcover £21.99Kindle £3.99★★★★★ on Amazon

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The Scottish Christmas Survival Guide

From the tree goin' up tae the New Year steak pie

An advent countdown, Scottish style. 24 days fae the tree goin' up tae the New Year steak pie, plus 12 bonus bits, tae get ye through the festive season wi' yer sanity roughly intact. The selection box is included. Emotionally.

108 pages, paperback & Kindle

A wee peek inside

The Teenager. What they want. Money. What they will accept. Money. Safe bet. Money.

There are no batteries in it. There have never been batteries in it.

Paperback £7.99Kindle £2.99 · free on Kindle Unlimited

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Things Yer Maw Says

The Scottish mother tongue, translated

80 things every Scottish maw has said, translated for the record. "Are ye gaun oot dressed like THAT?" an' aw the rest, delivered exactly the way ye heard them growin' up. Ye'll hear yer ain mother oan every single page. Ye've been warned.

124 pages, paperback & Kindle

A wee peek inside

“I've been up since six.” It is not a complaint. That is precisely what makes it so effective.

Get up and put the kettle on. That is the answer. It was always the answer.

Paperback £8.63Kindle £2.99 · free on Kindle Unlimited

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Same patter as the app, the website an' the channel. Nae filler, nae padding tae hit a page count. Hand-built in Scotland. Nae office, nae interns, just me an' the kettle.