The house rules
The short version: ye tell me daft things yer pal does, I roast them in a 60 to 90 second video, ye send it tae them, everybody laughs. Don’t use it tae be horrible tae somebody. Here’s the proper version.
1. Who I am
Get Roasted by a Scot is made by Duncan Smith, trading as SlammDunk Productions, Scotland, UK. Contact: hello@whitdidyesay.com.
2. What ye’re buying
A personalised comedy roast video, about 60 to 90 seconds long, written and produced from the details you give me. It’s voiced by “The Patter Merchant”, an AI-generated voice. The script is AI-assisted, and I review and approve it before it’s made. You get it by email as a private download link.
- Within 5 days (£15): delivered within 5 days of your order, usually a lot quicker.
- Skip the queue (£23): delivered within 48 hours of your order.
If I need to ask you about a detail before I can write your roast, the clock pauses until you reply.
3. It’s comedy
Every roast is a joke: deliberately exaggerated, made up for laughs, and not a statement of fact about anyone. Nobody should take anything in it as true, and nor should you present it that way.
4. Your part of the deal
By ordering, you confirm that:
- you are 18 or over, and so is the person being roasted;
- what you tell me is true and is about their habits, choices and daft moments, not private or sensitive stuff;
- you won’t include anything about their health, race, religion, sexuality, gender or disability, other people’s names, or anything you were told in confidence, and nothing about abuse, sexual violence, self-harm or anyone under 18;
- if you pick Brutal, anything you tell me about their love life, wild nights, drink or drugs is something they’re open about with the folk who’ll see the video. Brutal is a proper roast, swearing and all, but it’s still banter about a mate, never a real accusation;
- you’re sending it as banter to someone who’ll take it in good spirit, not to bully, harass or embarrass them.
5. What I can refuse or change
I can turn down any order, or leave out or change anything in it, if I think it breaks these rules or isn’t fair on the person being roasted. If I refuse an order, you get a full refund. I check every script and every video before it goes out.
6. Starting straight away, and your right to cancel
When you order, you ask me to start making your roast straight away. Because it’s personalised digital content, you agree that you lose your usual 14-day right to cancel once your roast has been delivered. Until it’s delivered, you can cancel by replying to your order email and I’ll refund you in full.
7. If you’re not happy
If there’s a problem with your roast, reply to your delivery email, email hello@whitdidyesay.com, or DM me on Discord, and I’ll look at it with you. If something’s genuinely wrong with it (it’s broken, it’s the wrong person, or it’s not what you ordered), you’re entitled to a fix or a refund. None of this affects your legal rights as a consumer.
8. Using your roast
You can download it, keep it, and share it with the person being roasted and on your own social media, for personal, non-commercial use. I keep the copyright in the script, the voice and the video. Please don’t sell it, or use it in adverts or anything commercial.
9. Sharing on my channel (only if you tick the box)
If you tick “Happy for me tae share it on my channel”, I may post a version on my SlammDunk Productions YouTube, TikTok or other channels. In that version the swearing is bleeped. Everything else stays as it is, including the first name and town of the person being roasted. It’s never posted without my check. You can change your mind at any time by emailing me, and I’ll take it down.
10. Liability
I’ll make your roast with reasonable care and skill. Apart from anything the law doesn’t let me limit (such as death or injury caused by negligence, or fraud), my total liability for any order is limited to the price you paid for it. I’m not responsible for how you or anyone else uses or shares the roast once it’s delivered.
11. The legal bit about law
These terms are governed by Scots law, and the Scottish courts deal with any dispute. If you live elsewhere in the UK or abroad, you keep any consumer protections your own country gives you.
Gie me a shout
Questions aboot the house rules, or a problem wi’ yer roast? Email me, or come say hello on Discord.
On Discord, join the server then DM me. Keep yer order details in the DM, no’ the public chat.